The Winds are Dying Down...

I don't even begin to know how to describe the complexities of my life as of late. During this last week, I came to find out, at the very last minute, that Grams' health insurance would no longer cover her stay at the Rehab/Nursing Home. They wanted to entrust Gram with her own healthcare decisions, which I agree with, but she, nor the facility ever communicated with us those decisions. Grams form of medical decisions? Not making decisions.

Since Wednesday, without insurance, it has been $190 a day. I had to scramble this week to find a facility to take her for a reasonable fee- we couldn't bring her home for 2 reasons:
1.) She can't walk, especially up flights of stairs to her bedroom...plus, we don't even have the tools we need to take care of her.
2.) Having an in-home nurse come would cost about anywhere from $600-$720 a week (8 hrs. 5 days a week). That would save us no money, and that wouldn't get her to-fro the dr.'s appts, food, etc.

My pseudo-reason Number Three:
3.) Quite frankly I was really scared about being soley responsible for her care 2 days a week, or more if dad thought he could save a buck.

All of this happens during Finals Week. Now, technically, my finals week is this coming week- but because some of my professors are cool, they wanted to wrap it up early (good thinking). The rest of them, just wanted to squeeze one last test in before the final (asshats).


Yesterday was going to be my day to study for my three exams today, get some errands done, etc. Instead, it was spent finding a place for Gram. Today, I got up early, went to school, had to skip classes to study for others, but it all came out alright. Needless to say, I came home pretty beat.

Tomorrow, Friday, we are moving Gram out of the Center and to a place called Regency in Fallbrook. I have a whole slew of worries with this. I don't think she has even the strength to get in the car. Dad is not much of a cheerleader. Plus, we have to move some furniture into her new studio apartment at the Assisted Living Facility known as the Regency. Of course, this couldn't have been done untill her physician at the Center in Vista filled out her medical evaluation. Thank God, it was FINALLY faxed over this evening.

Who knew a fax could be so uplifting?

I have no idea how we will make it work tomorrow, but we'll have to. Grams is an emotional rollercoaster ride...one day she wants to get better, the next she doesn't. She gets tired and cries easily. She goes from wanting to be a part of the family to not wanting to be a burden.

She also casually said she may have to use my college fund to pay her bills. TAKE NICCOLAS FIRST- oops! Did I say that? Why my sister still has a "college" fund is beyond me, I think Gram has kept it for bail money, I don't know. Wow, that must have sounded harsh...oh well!

You know, to be honest about the situation, I try to give my best to Gram. I frequently have to lie and put on a happy face to try and help her do the same...I know she's 89, but let's see those pearly dentures once in awhile! All I really want from her is to stop complaining about her "being a burden," and not act like my college fund is the first thing to go (SELL THE CATS!!) No indian-givers please. Well, she hasn't technically, given it to me yet- but that was coming....or going. Yeah, I'd have to say it's most likely going.

But to assure everyone I'm not signing up for some shifty student loans or selling body parts I don't necessarily "need" to live- I got a call today...I got a scholarship! I don't know how much it is yet- but I think it's over $500. Only 3 people got it, and I'm hoping it's going to keep me from crying at night and crackin' into my "paid on credit" pint of Chunky Monkey Ben n Jerry's.

The things I say in my blog. Lord. Here's hoping for some commas on that check!

I realize that I could be really discontent right now with the stress, but I think I'm past that point...I'm just really, really tired. It's like, I'm done fighting the rip tide, and now- I'm floating out to sea. I see this as my "Office Space" moment.

I always feel silly if I don't post pictures on my blogs- but I haven't really figured out how to post them as I like them. Most likely they will end up at the beginning of this blog where they make no sense and confuse you until you reach this sentence.

Oh well- I like pictures.

That pic was from the 4th of July 2007. She would kill me if she knew I put it up .....I'll take that risk.