Something to be Said

I've decided that I'm going to take a little break from blogging for awhile- both on here and on other blogs. I have come to the conclusion that if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all.

For those I know and love- to be honest, I'm dealing with a lot of difficult things right now. I am troubled, stressed and pretty depressed about everything. I have a lot on my mind that doesn't need to be posted on here, and until I am able to work through it, or ignore it long enough so it goes away, I am taking a step back.

I am dealing with some frustrations and some dissapointments. I am still doing my "Kisses for Cancer Patients Project"- but now, it will be much smaller. Some people have really impressed me- I received donations from complete strangers all over California (and beyond!), who sent kind notes about the project. On the other hand, I met a lot of apathy from people within my circle. I am trying to focus on those kind strangers, but I can't get over the dissapointment of being ignored by the people I love and respect.

In today's world, people are "too busy" to return calls, respond to emails or make a personal connection- or to even be honest. I am not as demanding as one who would expect everyone to donate to this project, I realize that times are tight (and I can assure you, they are very tight for this girl!). But what I did wish for this project, was to be acknowledged. A simple response would have been nice- just to know that the note was received..that's all. No money needed.

I tried to remain positive. I figured that people were busy and they would eventually get to my letter. Instead, I was ignored and only sent impersonal forwards about cell phones, politics, and get this- FRIENDSHIP. To be ignored like this- not just once or twice- but by about 30 people I care about really stung. I am going to take some personal time to get over the hurt and yes, anger. I wondered why nobody could see how ridiculous it was in ignoring a personal email, and instead, replying in a very impersonal way, that pretends to be personal. (there is nothing personal about a forward.)

But if anything, I have come to realize that people only care when it's convenient. My idea for lipsticks for cancer patients was a stupid idea, and I should climb back from the limb I was hanging from, and take my bruised pride with it.

What gets me though, is that no one even replied to let me know it was a stupid idea. I would have appreciated some realistic feedback. I suppose it was easier to let me sign a forwarded petition about cancer patients rather than actually DO something for cancer patients. Note: forwarded email petitions don't actually work.

I suppose I should stop for awhile on doing things out of my comfort zone. I have done a lot of things this year, that I hoped would help me deal with losing Gram. This was one of them. If you're wondering- she is not doing well, and if it weren't obvious...I am not doing well either.

I have felt very alone in this whole "her dying" thing. This has only made it worse. I sit here and type this in my empty house (alone), to go see her later today and feel more (alone), to come home, see my empty inbox (alone), and realize that I am embarking on a new chapter of my life- "Big Kid's School" in two weeks (alone.) I can't believe that girls my age complain about being alone- I have to say, there is nothing lonelier than paying medical bills for your dying Gram, to talk to hospice and doctors by yourself, and to have all of the chairs and beds in the house to yourself. Ya, I know, I'm complaining a lot.

But with a little optimism still intact, I must say, at least, though I have failed at plenty this year, at least I have done really well at it.

Alright, and with enough negativity for a year's worth of blogs- I am taking a short vacay from this blog. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, I don't want to be a dark cloud- so until I get this sorted though, I am not going to write. I know there are a lot of people in my life that are very happy right now, doing a lot of happy, notable things. Untill I can rejoin that crowd and stop complaining about my life- I don't want to drag anyone down. I know I will get through this- and once school starts, I plan to do some happy stuff and work on getting myself healthy again.

Thanks.

Hey, there...Hi there...Ho there...

So folks- Chris darling has replaced the Hard Drive on my lappytop and also added some killer memory. We are back in business!

I would post pictures, but at the moment, they are on Chris' thumb drive, which I was happy to have before the compy completely died the other day! I will hopefully get my act together and have something for you to view very soon!

School starts in 2 weeks. Crap.

After a minor panic attack this morning regarding my classes transferring, I seem to have had it sorted out. I am trying to add another class so I'll be taking on 16 units this fall- not too shabby.

Okay, so I said I was no longer panicking? I lied.

I'm trying to get through this period of my life with some yoga to soothe me and more deep breathing excersizes than a lamaze class. I know I can land on my feet in this uncharted territory, but every-once-in-awhile, I get a whiff of the idea that I'm not just Shannyn being her totally rockin, self-reliant self, but actually, totally, and completely alone in this.

Though I'm always one for adventure and doing something new- I'm starting a new school year, in a new school, without Gram and Dad seems to be drifting further and further away from me. He would rather eat lunch and dinner alone at the Cafe than eat it with me. But let's not delve into that.

In fact, I'm terrified, but not as terrified as I am to find THIS:


But you know, it just takes a picture like that to put things all in perspective. Things could be a lot worse, I could have THAT in my kitchen.

On the bright side, Bailey has had a successful day of potty training...we have adjusted from the litter method to going outside.

I have started a halloween blanket (crochet) and I got to see Pineapple Express- it was funnier than funny.

I'm going to a baby shower tomorrow and it should be a nice conclusion to a very nice weekend..


I suppose all that one can really say is, "May the force be with you?"

If you dream it, they will help...

Life has been pretty crazy in the past year. I've decided that I need to do something awesome- perhaps for my own sanity- but also to prove that I can take the reigns of my own life and do things, even big things that bring me joy and fulfillment.

There are a lot of things that bring me happiness, being with the people I love, knitting, shopping for on-sale accessories, my puppy, sleeping in. I enjoy those things, but one thing that really gets me excited is a project that helps someone else. Well, this time I'm gonna be REALLY happy, because I have a REALLY big project.

On July 22nd this year, I turned 22. It was my golden birthday- and I had a very big idea that day. I want to have Apple Berry 2,200 lipsticks donated to women in Cancer Treatment Centers all over Southern California.

I know, I know, that's big.

Why Apple Berry? Mary Kay the Company is donating 100% of it's profits from the sale of Apple Berry Lipstick to the Mary Kay Ash Charitable Foundation (MKACF.org). This foundation is extremely efficient and uses 97% of it's funds to the actual charities it was intended for- like funding Cancer Research Grants and supporting Domestic Violence Prevention programs (97%! that's only 3% for overhead expenses!)

I strongly support this foundation because of the magnitude of impact it achieves- it's efficient and it awards a LOT of money to help women. Check out the website for the numbers- it's amazing.

To further this project, I am donating my profits back to purchase more lipsticks and hopefully reach that 2,200. So, the company donates it's profits, I donate my profits, and lipsticks go to the hands of women undergoing cancer treatment...pretty cool huh?

Now, what I ask of you reading this, is that even if you can't donate, please, PLEASE pass this on to everyone you know. Can you ask your coworkers, church friends, neighbors or family?

A donation of 2 lipsticks is $16 and arrangements can be made for payment by email (Shannyn@marykay.com).

I can't do this alone and need everyone to pass this on...if everyone just asked 10 people and got those lipsticks donated- I would be able to reach my goal by the end of October (which is Breast Cancer Awareness Month AND Domestic Violence Awareness Month).


Please, please, please help?

Lotsa Updates!

Holy Cow- I've been busy since I last updated this blog. I was in Dallas, Texas for almost a week for Mary Kay Seminar. Grams was doing well while I was gone, like, really well- but now, not so much. I have to go over there today and visit with her. It's been a roller coaster ride, but I'm trying to stay positive.

Seminar in Dallas was great. It actually wasn't as hot as people made it sound! Infact, I'm pretty sure it was the same temperature that I'm used to! I was so amazed by the wonderful things that the company is doing to help others, like the "Pink Doing Green" campaign. We can bring in our customer's old compacts to be recycled, and for each one, a tree will be planted. In addition, they're switching over to more eco friendly packaging and shipping materials.

There is also the "Pink Changing Lives" through the Mary Kay Ash Charitable Foundation which works to fund grants for Cancer Research and Domestic Violence Prevention programs. I can't even recall how many millions of dollars were donated last year. I do know though, that this year they are donating 100% of their profits to the MKACF from the sale of Apple Berry Lipsticks. (I have something big planned for this and there will be more info later.

While I was in Dallas, I got to take the factory tour- and it was really awesome to meet the people who work there, and really get an idea of how many products they produce to keep up with demand! The workers were great, and I hadn't seen any that had been there less than 5 years (each year they get a ribbon to show how long they've been there!) and it's really hard to get a job there, because it's such a good place to work that there aren't openings. Apparently, as the workers told me, they pay pretty well- Good to know!



A vat of soon-to-be Spa Lotion!

Lipsticks being made- it was really amazing to see how quickly they are produced. The machines fill the molds with lipstick, put them in the case and then the workers just put the caps on them and make sure they are up to snuff before they're sealed and packaged. I forget how many thousands they have to produce a day to keep up with demand- but each day (and this applies to the foundations and other colors products too) they pick a color and make it all day!

Me being my dorky self during the awesome factory tour!
Seeing the lipstick being made- and the wonderful smell of vanilla in the vats of lipstick! Yum!
Made in America baby- some of my favorite lipglosses!
More Skin Care being made!Here's a pic of all the new debuting sales directors for the last six months- crazy huh?

Pink and black dishes- Hmm, I wonder if Chris would dig it??The gorgeous Garnet ring I've been drooling over- I love this job!
During Opening Ceremonies of our 45th anniversary. We were all given LED keychains and were told to turn them on- it was so beautiful in person!

During Unit Awards night- an "Aloha theme" I was very happy to be named Unit Miss Enthusiasm and #3 in sales! (Let it be known that #2 and #1 beat me by a LONG SHOT!)

My face just reflects the flash on my camera. My new friend Hannelore and I at classes. She lives up in Northern California, and though she's in my unit, we've never met!

Okay, I know I'm silly- but I loved the anniversary pic on the cake- so what!! I didn't earn any of the nice luncheons this year- but even the food was good for these lunches! It was really amazing- the session would let out, then 11,000 women would pile out of the arena and Hall A and into this huge dining area. Everything was already set out and we were flagged in like airplanes to find a seat- it was very efficient! I though, felt like cattle. hahah. moo- ding ding, ding ding!!


This was me on Awards Night- fun times!

This lady was so inspiring. She was named the Queen of Sales for Consultants. During this last year, she had a baby that was born with some health problems, and had to have two surgeries. She also moved across country while her husband was deployed- with two other children! She still did this amazing thing despite the obstacles- it was pretty cool!

Mary Kay is the official sponsor of the CMA awards so they had a really cool country dance number (oh ya, and they had a Spice Girls one too!! haha)

This was the Queen of Sales for Directors- she is one awesome lady! My director knows her so we got a second to snap a picture! She did a lot last year, but one of them was to sell 900 new black compacts, it made my head spin thinking about it!

Part of MK's "Pink Doing Green" Initiative- they planted 45 trees in front of the Convention Center in honor of the 45th anniversary!


I had my birthday party this last Friday and it was good! Several of my guests ended up going on a "creepy crawl" (don't ask!) and it was a lot of fun. We had great Pirate decorations and I will be posting pictures in my next blog. (Trust me, there are enough from Seminar!!)


Okay- now that I've overwhelmed you with photos, know that more are on the way! :)

Ahoy!

The pARRRty is soon approaching. I will be in Texas over my birthday- but will be back with my eye patch and parrot for my July 25th Pirate Birthday Party. I got some awesome ice cube molds that I just love..Ya, I know I'm trendy. I was tempted to get the "Denture" shaped molds, but I figured no one would enjoy it as much as me. Oh well!

Yesterday was my 1st "Stitch N Bitch" we met at the Crochet Cafe in Temecula, and it was a LOT of fun! I didn't get any pictures while at the SnB because I was too busy chatting and finishing my first crocheted blanket. One of the ladies thought it was crazy I was crafting a dog blanket, but honestly, I had dropped so many stitches, I wouldn't embarass myself to gift it to someone who walks on 2 legs.

The Crochet Cafe is an interesting place. It is located in Old Town Temecula in a quaint little courtyard off the main stretch. It is very small but very cozy and inviting. You walk through the brick courtyard, under Peppertrees, to the little cottage. It is filled with all kinds of great yarns- everything from hand-painted yarns, to soy yarns, to even an antibacterial yarn made from soy and get this- crab shells. It was an ingenious sock yarn that of course, one of our knitters HAD to snatch up because it was too pretty...of course, she will have to learn how to knit socks!

What I really appreciated that none of the ladies were, what I call, "yarn snobs." They were all down to earth, fun and willing to help. Everyone advises everyone and there isn't anyone "above" any kind of craft, skill level, or type of yarn. If someone asks a question that seems absurdly basic, it is rude to make fun of them- you either help or keep your mouth shut. Just yesterday though, I did come across a yarn snob and it really pissed me off. It is kind of an unspoken rule, that if someone is looking for pointers or help in their crafting, that you at least point them in the right direction. It amazes me that some people think that a compliment on someone else's simple project means that you too are "simple," because you enjoyed their work. I suppose I don't get it. If a project looks great and I want to try it, whether it's a garter stitch scarf or a lacy shawl, I don't feel "above" anything to compliment and ask about it. Anyway, I'm done being irritated with that!

What really was special about the Cafe was that it had so much heart. The original owner of the store passed away just a month or so ago. She had Breast Cancer, and her crafted blankets gifted during her Chemotherapy are still displayed. Her best friend and get this, her two teenage boys, run the store! Many of the members of the SnB knew her and it was really heartwarming to see them come back and talk about her. It was sad to hear about her, but so amazing that her shop is staying open.

I resisted the urge to pick up wool yarn for felting and some double-pointed needles so you'll have to commend me for that. I had to get this though- it's Canadian and GORGEOUS. Will it be another dog blanket? I don't know. Yes, Katinka from the SnB would think me crazy. I will admit though, my stash is growing. I have lots of yarn, not all of it works together though. Some of it was given to me for the holidays, other was passed down because other crafters couldn't handle their enormous yarn stash...but I have made a goal to actually FINISH my projects now.

This is a discloth that I have affectionately named my "Hail Mary" Discloths. A few years ago, my Spanish teacher (who really was from Spain and named Mary) would wipe the whiteboard with handtowels in colors similar to these. She had been married for 30 years, but someone had given her the crazy towels as a wedding gift (it WAS the 70's!) She held onto them for years, but finally couldn't stand leaving them in the box any longer, and used them in the classroom. She couldn't wipe the board without chuckling in a thick Spanish accent.

So there you have it folks- my, what I call, "rock climbing" blanket. I had dropped so many stitches the left and right sides are kind of bumpy. It could be El Capitan for all I know. Oh well, Bailey won't mind, and anyway- I'm going to try and crochet a cute lacy trim on it.


Butternut Squash is on it's way! Also, I will have Bell Peppers and Zucchinni too! The Tomatoes are ripening on the vine as we speak, and I can't wait to make Veggie Enchiladas with them!


Life is good.

Exciting Stuff

Everyone, I am learning to crochet. I have crossed over from the realm of Knaughty Knitter to Happy Hooker, haha!
And this is why...
Cute stuff...yes. Cute stuff. I figured that I have completely missed the "Baby Bootie" phase of my baby cousin's lives, but this, well, I have a much larger time period in which to procrastinate on this one. Well, worst comes to worst, I can crochet up my own little zoo....Or, they can hang the little panda bears from their rear-view mirrors by the time I'm done with them.

Oy.


To update everyone on Chris...he is well. We are about to celebrate two years together and it's pretty exciting. Well, it's not as exciting as the 1st year, it's more of a "high five" moment. Not because we love each other any less, but we have been through so much crap in the last year, that it's more like a "Hooray, we still love each other." It's a tired, but valiant trot across the finish line of another calendar year, not the overzealous sprint we experienced the year before. After the fire and evacuation, 7 day a week schedules, Gram's health, Miss Fallbrook, applying for financial aid and all that junk that goes with "big kid's school," job loss in the family and tight times- we are just really happy to be together.

But what's great, is that I get to report that him filing out FAFSA was not in vain this year, HE GOT FREE MONEY FOR COLLEGE! Granted, it's not going to get him through the year payment free, but it was exciting that all that time we spent working on it, got him SOMETHING! It was much appreciated news...because the California budget cuts in public schooling has really hit home. It's a gloomy summer for those working for a school district...In the Fallbrook Elementary district alone, I think 50 teachers were laid off...not including other staff. (And considering there's only 5 schools, with only about 25-30 teachers each?)

But anyway...I'm thinking of doing a "Study Abroad" program in the next year. I was pretty depressed to find out that I need to take Spanish 201 to graduate from CSUSM. I took Spanish 101 and 102 at Palomar..but then I because GWA and took a year off, only to return and enroll in Spanish 201, and realize that the professor would not be speaking ANY English in the course. That freaked me out, as I forgot all my Spanish, and had replaced it in my brain with motivational speeches (some of which I could use now!) and yah, I have to start all over again. I haven't decided where I should go...whether I should try to go to Spain or to get credit for the class, or if I should just go somewhere awesome- like Australia or England.

Hmm.

Part of the problem is that I am quite attached to my signifgant other...Could he or I really enjoy our lives knowing the other is gone for 6 weeks to 6 months? I know it sounds corny, trust me I do...but I don't know how other couples do it. Military families, I suppose, are just used to it?

Well I have rambled on long enough. Time to go crochet and enjoy my day off. I have a lot to ponder...I find that I have lost sight of my ideals and goals. Just the thought of making a goal either leaves me apathetic or freaks the heck out of me. When did this happen?

I suppose the last few months have really derailed me from my sense of ambition, and I really need to find it again. I think I will try and make a list of goals and just be brave about it. Love you all, thanks for reading.

The Middle of the Calendar

This weekend was completely awesome.

Friday was spent lounging by the pool with Chris, Whitney and her family. We had a delicious meal and drank good drinks. We played Nintendo Monopoly, then it got ugly. After dark, we watched Fireworks from her house on the hill- two times. We even lit off a few of our own despite their illegalness. (I love sparklers).

I find that I never take enough pictures.

Saturday, I got up bright and early, woke up the large bear, my father, and we went to Temecula for our very first Pug Meetup.


Dad has a new friend...who isn't Bailey (if you were wondering!)The Pug Meetup was great. The picture I took didn't even get everyone that was there. I have never seen so many pugs in one place, it was awesome. Bailey was pretty overwhelmed by all the people, and the pugs in her little face, but it was good socialization.

What I didn't know, was that while I was at Whitney's the day before, Dad let her roam around the backyard, which is covered in dry brush, without a leash on. She apparently had a foxtail on her face, and when Dad went to retrieve it, it dissapeared...up her nose.

I didn't know this untill we were on our way to the Meetup, but by then I figured maybe it had fallen out, and Dad wasn't so sure whether or not it was up there. Later in the afternoon, Bailey's little nose was bleeding, she was sneezing up a storm and her eyes and nose were runny. We took her to the vet and paid a pretty penny to have her seen. Sure enough, a large piece of foxtail (You will know them if you've had them stuck to your socks!) was up there...don't ask me how that was possible!

We also went to Costco and got some stuff for my party and I am very excited! Dad dropped some Benjamins that day, but you must bribe someone when you damage their baby. haha.



Bailey was all tuckered out from a day of foxtails, meetups and bribes!

I went to a babyshower today and alas, did not take pictures...Randi's baby is due in August and will be a little boy! Exciting stuff.

Okay, Chris is here and I'm gonna go. Adios!